FUCK SALSA!

Now ladies, gentlemen, don't get me wrong...
I love salsa, it's delicious. Genuine, fresh salsa is even better, some of my American women friends made it for me and it was incredible.

No, I hate salsa dancing.
That's right.
I can't stand it.



My main beef isn't with the dancing style itself however. Rather it's with the baying hordes of meatheads that insist on fucking up my night with their amatuer hour salsa "skillz".

They're at the edge of the dance floor, taking up about ten (10!) times more space than anyone else giving me eye aids.
You can see them counting the steps out. I don't say that as in "I can imagine what's going through their minds", I mean "YOU CAN SEE THEIR LIPS MOVING!".

There's no passion, there's no excitement, there's just step one, two, three, four...
and then when they inevitably fuck up (oh, and they always do) they get all flustered and shit and don't know what to do. So you get that awkward moment where they try to get their shit back together. "Do we go from the back step, or the drop?"
Assholes! Just dance!

FUCK OFF BACK TO YOUR SALSA CLASS IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT SHIT!

That's why we made you dance in theose sweaty little upstairs studio spaces. So we didn't have to look at your pathetic flailing limbs. Did you notice the mirror in their? The big fucking one that takes up one of the whole walls? That's the government's vain attempt to put you off salsa for life. They were hoping you'd see what a fucking asshole you looked like and would stop.

And I can just imagine what the motivation behind most people learning salsa is.
It goes a little something like this.

Girl. "Oh, let's learn salsa, it's so exotic. I've always loved South America, the people have so much passion.
Guy. "..."
Girl. "It'll be so great, we can do classes on thursday night."
Guy. "..."

Now I think this is common thinking among repressed white girls, they all wanna be passionate and shit, but they don't know how. So they exoticise passion, make it something that those "untamed" South Americans have in spades and can just "learn" once a week.
Jesus FUCK! Get a clue. It's not the fucking salsa that makes salsa girls so fucking hot. It's the short dresses, heels, big hair, thighs, and THE PASSION. It's the "I'm just going to throw down as hard as I fucking can and spin around and dazzle the shit out of any man in the room" attitude that is mind blowing.
It's not step 3 in the salsa, it's not even step 6, it's the tits.

So going back to our guy/girl salsa story I started a few paragraphs ago...

At about this time the guy has two things going through his mind.
1. Keep the sex coming.
2. When the sex stops coming, getting more.

So priority 1. is keeping the girls putting out. He figures if he doesn't go along with this stupid ass salsa shit, he won't be getting any. And if he DOES go along with it, he'll get more sex. Plus, there's the small chance that salsa-ing will make his girl hotter.

Priority 2 is that if he learns salsa, it's one skill he has for later. Ladies love guys with skillz. If he's out at a club and spots some hotttt Latin girl busting the salsa, he can join in.

The girl in this story is just being fucking insane, and she can go to hell.

The End...

...or is it?

The End.